


Ten Rules of Marriage

by sushiwrite



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, M/M, cringe ass fic, haha - Freeform, risk it or skip it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24895657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushiwrite/pseuds/sushiwrite
Summary: Wherein Sasuke tried to make a list of a 'how to have a perfect marriage' and Naruto unconsciously contradicted every single bit of it.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	Ten Rules of Marriage

Once in our life, we find ourselves questioning the decisions we make.

We seek for thrills and some actions. We always want to sate our curiosity hence, more questions in mind, then more answers to drive us crazy.

For Sasuke, Life is nothing but a question. And the people we met are the answers.

That is why when he questioned Life about Love, this certain dandy, cute bunny boy came as an answer.

Three significant college years were spent over coffee dates with sugar-glazed doughnuts, one eventful night spent on a senior’s party, then another three years of post-graduation years spent on, _hey, I’ll be going downtown and you might be free this afternoon?_ And _Really? She was that rude? Better dump that girlfriend of yours!_ Before they realize that yep, _sometimes, before I go to sleep I look at our pictures together and I just noticed that your lips are cute…_

_“What?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“And so?”_

_The other scratched his head._

_“Date me?”_

It was exactly eight years after they graduated from college that they realized that the answer they’ve been looking for is each other.

They tied the knot.

They got married.

Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto got married.

But again Life is nothing but a question.

So, what is Marriage then?

*

“Dude, tell me how does it feel that you’re,” Kiba took a pregnant pause before having a swig of his beer. “ _Married..._ no that’s not what HInata said, uhm- caged?”

Kiba laughed. Sometimes Sasuke wonders why Naruto ever consider him as his bestfriend when most of the times, Kiba sounded like a treacherous snake. And he hasn’t forgiven the guy yet for kissing his husband just on the very night of their wedding.

“Shut your ass, Inuzuka.” Sasuke piped. “My wifezilla might heard you.”

Kiba laughed harder. “What on fucking earth is a wifezilla?”

Sasuke shrugged. His husband is a beauty but not until socks rained in their bedroom and briefs thrown everywhere.

“How about you?” Sasuke interjected amid his successive gulping of his beer. “When are you and Hinata will tie the fucking knot?”

“We won’t.” Kiba chimed. And toothfully, he smiled. “Not until you’re done writing your book about-”

Sasuke stood and wrung Kiba’s neck. “Cut that out. I love your bestfriend, okay?” Kiba just keep on laughing not minding the drool of beer coming from the sides of his lips. Sometimes, teasing Sasuke is fun that he could quit his job just to annoy the hell out of Sasuke. “But a wifezilla is a wifezilla is a wifezilla.”

Sasuke keeps on chanting as Kiba heaved a lungful of air as he’s dying from laughter.

“Fine, I’ll write the book.”

Kiba nodded pathetically.

“You’ll tie knot.”

Kiba lost himself laughing.

Sasuke let go of him and sat back on his rocking chair, smiling almost cynically to Kiba as of one of them will be meeting his impending doom.

“Just like what me and Naruto did.”

So Sasuke wrote, _Marriage is …_

_*_

“S’uke, can you please unload the clothes from the washing machine?”

Naruto was busy dusting off the topmost part of the shelves. It is where he stores most of the recipe books that he ordered online, some were Sasuke’s finance-related books and the rest are photo albums of which they hoard from their parents.

“Yes ma’am.”

Naruto huffed. Today is Saturday. Today is cleaning day. But it seems like he is the only one cleaning the house. Well, there are times that he does not pester Sasuke anymore, most especially if the latter came from a business trip abroad. _Which could also really mean, they had great sex last night and Naruto has no choice but to clean the mess even if his ass was on fire._

“Don’t ma’am me if you’re not even gonna do it!” He shouted even though Sasuke was just several meters away from him. Why? The said ‘tired man’ was busy watching some uneventful series in his laptop and Naruto was not amused by the looks of it.

Heck, this ‘tired man’ was home by four in the afternoon yesterday. They didn’t even do their ‘nightly’ routines then there’s no way for this man to claim that he is tired.

“I will really kill him if he did not unload those clothes!” Naruto mumbled to himself. He could not afford to get angry at ten in the morning and when he knows that he has tons of things to do this whole day.

However, it seems like Sasuke has his own definition of “I will do it right now …. _but just after this episode.”_

Sasuke felt a loud smack landing on his back. He immediately turned to where the force came and was, for the love of goblin, surprised to see it was Naruto. Heck, why was he even surprised in the very first place. Even, I, the one writing this would smack the shit out of him if two hours had passed and I already did tons of household chores and this dumbass-

“What the-!”

“What the your face,” Naruto echoed back, “ It is forty-five minutes past twelve and I-”

“Okay okay I know!” Sasuke tried to cut him off.

“Let me finish Uchiha Sasuke- and don’t okay okay me!” Sasuke visibly gulped. This is not a drill. Someone’s angry. “I still need to cook our lunch and dear lord, here is my ever handsome husband,” Sasuke gulped again for it seems like those flattering words sound far from flattering at all, “still did not unload those fucking clothes from the fucking washing machine.”

“Okay I’m sorry.” Sasuke stood up and held Naruto by his shoulders but the said slightly shorter man shrugged him off.

“I’m hungry!”

“I’ll cook something for the both of us,” Sasuke tried to pacify his wifezilla before it even became much worse than what he is right now.

A tired and hungry wifezilla is not something you could keep inside your house.

“NO!” Naruto padded back to their bedroom while stomping his feet as if doing that would that make him look angrier, but it’s just making Sasuke to coo at him more, “You unload those clothes and then you cook!”

“But you’re hungry!” Sasuke countered. He is lazy okay. But he can never be not concerned especially when it comes to his husband.

“I am not hungry. Stupid!” Naruto shouted back from their bedroom.

Red lines flash across Sasuke’s eyes. Boy, not even his parents called him stupid. Not even Sakura who thinks that he’s stupid even called him stupid!

“Say what now?” Sasuke saw Naruto hesitate a bit but the inner ‘woman’ in him won’t just back down like that.

“Idiot! Stupid!” Naruto shouted on top of his lungs leaving Sasuke murdering him in his mind all the succulent he bought for him. _No, Sasuke, not that._

“Stupid, huh?” Naruto raised his eyebrows at him but Sasuke won’t just take that, “then this stupid doesn’t know how to unload those clothes and doesn’t know how to cook food.”

Naruto was stunned.

This booger.

And Sasuke smirked. Naruto can’t be the only one who can get angry.

“Playing that game, huh?” Sasuke smirked more. He’s sure Naruto is million times pissed inside. He’s winning this game.

“Then no sex for month!” Naruto shouted.

Sasuke kicked the box that contains their ‘toys’.

**_Rule #1: Never both be angry at the same time._ **

Of course, just what like he said before he cannot be not concerned when it comes to Naruto.

He married the guy, okay.

And he just cannot unlove Naruto just because he called him _stupid._ Though he has to admit, it fucking broke his heart. What more when Sakura texted him a piece of advice right after the earlier fight.

_Sasuke, that sucks. You know how much adorable Naruto is to me. But dang, I did not even call you stupid even when I think you’re stupid._

Sakura is right.

Naruto should apologize to him.

But how could the said man apologize to him when in fact it has been four hours since Naruto locked himself inside their room. Christ, he knows how hungry Naruto is right now. And to be honest, he could not take that. The last time he forgot to eat, he suffered from ulcer and from there, Sasuke always make sure that Naruto eats on time.

He even video chat Naruto just so he could watch him eat. Naruto thinks that’s pathetic but Sasuke thought that’s romantic. Like that good, kind all-leading man material from K-DRAMAS, Christ, he could be Lee Min Ho for fuck’s sake. Or even Lee Dong Wook.

Alright, Naruto called him stupid.

And he was hurt.

But both of them are starving.

So he knocked on the door.

“Hey dobe- I- I know that you’re hungry.”

He heard some shuffling behind the door and Sasuke could be no more excited knowing that Naruto is gingerly moving at the back of that goddamn door.

“I cooked rice and some eggs. I- I know that it’s not the most delicious thing but - I -I can order ramen for you!” Sasuke knocked on the door again and even jiggle the doorknob just to get another response from Naruto.

“Hey.” He called softly.

“Wha-what did you cook?” Came a soft reply from his Naruto. Oh how Sasuke wanted to fucking destroy the door and just cocoon Naruto in his arms. That would do, since the guy sounded so small and tired.

He feels sorry alright.

“Rice and egg dobe.” Sasuke smiled toothily.

“No bacon?” Naruto called out.

“Oh-oh I didn’t know you’ll want one but I can cook for you. Just please open the door and eat with me.” Sasuke said softly. But before he could wait for a reply he run back to their kitchen and set the pan on fire and just let the bacons roll on it.

“Dobe, bacons are on pan now! Come on!” He jiggled the doorknob again and heard Naruto sniff from the other end. Sasuke is slowly becoming impatient. Naruto is just being a kid. “See, I’m the one reaching out to you first even if you’ve called me stupid.”

“Are you shouting at me?” Came a faint reply behind the door.

“Oi! I- I am not!” Sasuke countered.

“You’re shouting at me! You just said Oi!”

Sasuke jumped three times and shook his hand before looking at the ceiling, “Oh come on, you called me stupid then do you think who has the right to shout between the two of us?” Okay, that came as a shout but-

“See you’re yelling at me!”

“It’s because you’re in there! How would I know that you could hear me? I’m stupid right?”

“Oh is this about me calling you stupid?”

Naruto opened the door abruptly not knowing that Sasuke had implanted his whole body on the door. So when it happened, poor guy has his face flat on the floor. Then Naruto wasn’t able to stop himself from laughing hard making Sasuke feel embarrassed. In order to redeem himself, he said the forbidden word.

“I’m going to eat alone because you’re chubby and will never be hungry!”

Naruto was left at the door with his mouth hanging open.

“Did he shout at me and called me chubby?”

He was about to follow Sasuke when he heard his husband shouting his name frantically. Thinking that his beloved husband met an untimely accident and he’s afraid as fuck to be widowed at the age of thirty, he immediately located where the voice is coming from.

“Dobe, the pan-”

And Naruto followed the hand of Sasuke.

“The pan is on fire!” Sasuke shouted.

“Teme! My kitcheeeeennnnn!!!!!”

  
  


**_Rule #2: Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire._ **

  
  
  


Sasuke wasn’t able to put off the fire just the moment that the sprinkles started sprouting waters.

Naruto was utterly flabbergasted.

First, his pan was now beyond recognizable. Second, there is a dark stain glaring at him due to Sasuke’s mishap of letting the bacons cook on its own. And third, there is no bacon. No more bacon.

And there were them, soaked wet with water. His shirt and shorts are now clinging tightly to his body.

This day can’t never get better, can it?

Naruto was about to open his mouth to string out all the profanities the world has to offer but before he can even do that, Sasuke cut him off.

“Wow,” Sasuke breathed out. His hand was stuck on the handle of the pan and the other one was holding a soggy bacon. Naruto thought he looks so pathetic. But he can’t also never miss the sudden glint in those eyes. And the way Sasuke’s mouth watered as if he’s just tasted the bacon he is holding and deemed it the most delicious bacon ever.

“Wow what?” Naruto consciously racked his eyes to and fro Sasuke and to where those eyes are looking at. He thought that his husband looks like he lost his self for a moment.

Eyes bulging and tongue darting out to trace the lips.

“Sasuke?” Naruto inquired. This Uchiha Sasuke who is now looking at him, _with still that soggy bacon in his hand,_ started advancing to him with eyes straining wide at him. Like that addict bathe in narcotics and reeking in marijuana.

“Jesus Christ, did the smoke made you some suicidal shit, hey! Put that bacon down Sasuke you look like a poor rapper in drugs who hasn’t sold a single copy of his mixtape!” Naruto shouted in an attempt to wake Sasuke from his reverie.

“Dobe,” Sasuke wrapped his hands around his waist and he felt _him_ running his lips in the tangled part of his hair. “I know you gained some weight”

Naruto pushed Sasuke but the latter was faster in straining him.

“But why do you look so sexy?”

Naruto gulped. There is something in Sasuke’s eyes that made him look like a clown-looking maniac.

Sasuke continues to smother him while repeatedly whispering in a hushed voice.

Naruto was frozen in Sasuke’s embrace as he thinks deeply if he heard it right that his husband called him chubby and sexy at the same time.

Not even noticing how the soggy bacon that was previously in Sasuke’s hand is now hanging stickily on his shoulder.

But it doesn’t matter, for Sasuke just told him that he’s sexy.

Fuck that soggy bacon.

**_Rule #3: If you criticize, do it lovingly._ **

  
  


It was a lazy Tuesday afternoon when Sasuke decided to surprise his wifezilla by coming home early.

But also not forgetting to buy a strawberry cake and some cheese and wine of their favorite brand. It just so happened that today, Sasuke is not busy and everything’s going well in the office. To make his day even more perfect, he decided to go home early and surprise the little bunny at home.

What delighted his sight is Naruto in a very unconsciously provocative position while fixing the pipes underneath the kitchen sink.

Sasuke who is still in his suit and tie, casually leaned back to the island and whistle, “wow, look what we have here?”

Immediately, Naruto slid back outside and was stunned to see Sasuke standing there in front of him.

“You’re back early,” Naruto giggled like an excited kid and hugged Sasuke in a split second, not minding the dirty wrench he is holding. “I miss you!” He tweeted in interest.

Sasuke chuckled at Naruto’s childishness yet he did not stop himself from hugging the smaller man back. There are times that his wifezilla would turn into a dramatic lady even though he just looked so manly fixing that pipe earlier.

Still a wifezilla is a wifezilla is a wifezilla.

“Hey,” Sasuke was brought back from his trance when he heard Naruto called him. The said man was already holding the box of cake he took home as well as the wine and the cheese. ‘Wine night?”

Sasuke smiled warmly. “Yes.”

There were lying comfortably side by side on the sofa, hands occupied with wine and some expensive ham cutlet and cheese. Sasuke knows Naruto loved this kind of night.

“So, S’uke,”

Sasuke hummed. A sign that he’s acknowledging the call. Oh, Naruto looks so cute gulping down the wine with his lips pursed in concentration.

“Which came first- chicken or egg?”

Damn, talks like this actually ruin the night. This usually happens when Naruto is a little bit…. intoxicated. Dang, why didn’t he even notice that this wifezilla has consumed the half already.

“Chicken, dobe.” Sasuke answered nonchalantly.

“But I think it’s the egg, ‘cause you know....,” Naruto slurred. “The chicken is from the egg.”

Sasuke shook his head. “No dobe, the chicken lays the egg. So chicken first.”

“No, S’ukeee, I think it’s the egg.”

Sasuke sighed audibly and closed his eyes.

“Fine. Egg.”

“Okay next,” Naruto chirped and Sasuke is nowhere happy.

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“I said fine.” Sasuke took a bite on the cheese and sip a bit of his wine. He feels horny right now not nerdy.

“Uhm, ‘kay. What tastes better as pizza toppings, pineapple or bell pepper?”

Sasuke looked at him deadly. As if. “How about none?” Sasuke sipped again and looked sharply at his wifezilla. “How about no sane people think that pineapple nor bell pepper tastes delicious on a pizza?”

“How about I punch you and tell you that pineapple tastes the best on a pizza?”

Two motherfucking points for this drunk man.

“Oh yeah sure. Pineapple it is.”

“You don’t look happy about it.” Naruto commented and looked at Sasuke suspiciously.

Sasuke closed his eyes and calmed his self before deciding to open them and looked at Naruto directly. “You know what, this argument is nonsense.”

He saw Naruto straightened his back and Sasuke knows for sure that his wifezilla’s argument game has been turned on. Now, real battle begins.

“We are not even into an argument teme.” Naruto put his glass down a bit harshly. “I’m just asking you questions.”

“Nonsense questions and answers that only interest you. So, what’s the point? Chicken or Egg, S’uke?” Sasuke can’t help but to imitate Naruto in attempt to irritate the other. “Pineapple or bell pepper, teme?” He even changed his voice to a bit higher tone just to shit the hell out of Naruto.

Sasuke took a bit of the cheese again not minding if he’s gonna fart like a mad cow tomorrow. He needs to vent his frustration out.

“You just want to win this argument no matter what. What’re you gonna ask next? If it’s cat or dog, sun or moon? Right nipple or left nipple? Your thumb or your pinky? Fuck, I just want a wine night with you ‘cause I’m horny like a damn wolf in heat.”

Naruto was lost for words. And Sasuke keep gulping down the remaining contents from the bottle. He was busy wallowing in frustration that he was startled when Naruto sat on his lap. Eyes hooded with something that Sasuke has been longing to see.

With his lips moistened with wine, Sasuke asked.

“Banana or me?”

Naruto slid down from him and smirked sexily.

“You and your banana of course.”

**_Rule #4 : If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate._ **

  
  
  
  
  


“Who’s that guy you just talked to right now?” Sasuke asked right after Naruto strapped his self safe onto the shotgun seat.

“Ahhh. A friend of mine. Back in college. Remember?”

“I don’t.” Sasuke dismissively said. He actually remembers him. And he’s the guy that he hated.

Naruto didn’t seem to notice the nettled tone from Sasuke so he continuously prodded the other for a sensible answer. “Really?”

He turned to Sasuke to ask him more and Sasuke has not been liking the excited spark evident in Naruto’s eyes. They’ve just gone grocery shopping and he said to Naruto that he’ll just grab a few cans of his favorite sardines but the moment he’s back, this wifezilla has been spotted happily conversing with a guy.

And this guy is not just an ordinary guy.

This is the asshole whom he caught kissing the life of Naruto one night in the club.

“But how can you forget Gaara?”

“Yeah the guy I caught you’ve made out with at Gangnam?”

Naruto was stunned. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. He and Sasuke already ended the issue before and bringing the mishap back pains him tremendously. He already explained and Sasuke accepted it, how come they’re talking about it again.

“Christ, Teme! That was ten years ago.”

“So?” Sasuke asked. Eyes on the road but his mind was elsewhere. “You should not be talking to him.”

“Why not?” At this point, Sasuke cannot take on how Naruto can ask him such question. Why fucking not. He sighed audibly. This is just arguably pathetic. “Tell me why not? Sasuke, we’re married for fuck’s sake! Do you think-”

Naruto was cut off when Sasuke hit the brakes. Turns out, they almost beat the red light.

“What? Think that you would cheat on me again?” Sasuke, who was also shocked with what he said was palpably regretting it. He didn’t mean it that way or perhaps he didn’t want to word it like that. But his heart has been beating so much in anger.

“Cheat?” Naruto looked opposite Sasuke and tried to gather his bearings. “That was ten years ago, Sasuke and- and, we’ve talked about this already! I’ve explained everything to you!”

Sasuke kept his silence. Seeing Naruto close to tears actually tore his heart. But he can’t just take his words back.

Naruto can’t believe this. Sasuke has just kept his silence. So he’s gonna rest it like that? Tell his other half that he’s gonna cheat on him like it’s not even a big deal? Of all the things Sasuke could accuse him is him being a cheater?

That was just out of line. And even bringing back what happened ten years ago though it was clear as sun that they’ve put those things behind them for good. But apparently, it seems like Sasuke did not.

So Naruto unbuckled out, opened the door much to Sasuke’s surprise and fled away.

But not right before saying, “Cheater huh. Guess what? This cheater will go somewhere else and won’t want to see you in a week!”

A loud slam of a car’s door was the last thing Sasuke heard from Naruto.

  
  


**_Rule #5:_** Never bring up mistakes of the past.

  
  
  


Sasuke tried calling Naruto’s self-proclaimed older brother and his own actual boss but the operator told him that the number is currently on a roaming. It means that the owner is at overseas and should he wish to proceed the call, then he’ll be paying a hefty price when the bill comes.

Damn, his former boss will be the last option.

But, does he have any other options?

He can’t call his in-laws. No. He can’t do that. He cannot just call them and look for Naruto because he just fled away right after he accidentally brought something up that was settled down ten years ago. Though he knows that his in-laws would understand and probably won’t meddle with their marital issues, still - Sasuke can’t let them know that once in a while, he’s being a jerk.

And he won’t call his parents too.

Naruto is their baby. If by any chance they’ll know this stupid fight then Sasuke is sure enough that he’ll be receiving an earful of sermon. That doesn’t sound inviting at all.

So, he is resorting back to his first choice.

After parking his car safely, Sasuke dialled the number that he should be calling last.

After several ringing, Sasuke was met with a series of noise then a long - _can we say-_ lustful moan.

“Kakashi?”

“Sasuke?” Then a string of noises and probably a meow reached his ears before another string of indecent mewls resounded back to him.

“Are you - “ Sasuke stifled a desperate sob and ruffled his hair, “ha-having sex?”

A muffled “OW” was heard, “No, but I wish I am. I am feeding my cat while watching porn okay now why are you calling me even if you know that I am not in Japan huh? Better make that news call-worthy or I’ll be scratching that new car you just bought.”

“Kakashi!”

“Ow you ugly cat. Stop biting me when I’m feeding you!”

“What?”

“Do-do you know where Naruto is?” Sasuke closed his eyes and threaded the loose part of the fox stuff toy that Naruto left in the car. He really left that so he can hug it during long rides.

“Motherfucking Uchiha, why would you find Naruto in me when I’m abroad and you’re the husband.”

Sasuke stuttered an answer and slumped in his seat.

“What did you do?” The moaning stopped and Sasuke felt like Kakashi is now chopping something in his kitchen based on the sound he’s hearing.

“We-we fought.” Sasuke’s now out of his car as he tearfully looked up the sky. And he heard an exhale from the other line.

“You know what, go buy a vanilla almond ice cream. Some fresh strawberries and few packs of condom. Go home by eight. And call me tomorrow to thank me.”

Then the line went dead.

Sasuke sighed and looked at his phone, staring at a smiling face of Naruto as his wallpaper.

“Go home by eight, huh.”

Because by eight o’clock, he saw Naruto slumped in his chair, crying his eyes out. Then a black bag sitting beside him.

Sasuke rushed forward and carefully put the things he bought, same with groceries they bought earlier.

“Na-Naruto.”

“I’m moving out. I can’t live with a man who sees me as a cheater.” Naruto cried all the more making him look small and fragile. He did martial arts. He served the army. And yet here he is, crying and looking pathetically pitiful in front of Sasuke.

“Dobe, let’s talk please?”

Naruto looked at him and from there, Sasuke saw how the other didn’t even want to do this. As if, he’s thankful that Sasuke reached out to him. His stare is speaking thousands of words that he badly wanted to say but was just deprived to say it because his husband is a jerk.

That night, Sasuke thought Kakashi is a prophet.

Not only Naruto and him had made up.

But they also discovered that strawberries taste better when it’s eaten in one’s mouth.

And the vanilla almond ice cream tastes better when eaten on someone’s skin.

**_Rule #6: Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled._ **

  
  
  
  
  


So to compensate, Sasuke offered a proposal to Naruto.

And his wifezilla can’t contain his happiness that day.

Sasuke asked him if he wanted to have his own cafe just near their house. Just so he could put his baking skills into use. And since he loves making strawberry shortcake and has a knack in making the most appetizing coffee ever, then why not enroll his husband in a culinary school.

What he likes doing the most is pampering Naruto.

So, what’s stopping him?

Alright, he’ll be honest.

Sasuke has to admit. Letting Naruto immerse in what loves doing could also have a disadvantage. As you see, he excitedly prepares so early in the morning even though his classes start at ten. And he can’t be disturbed in the kitchen since he needs to concentrate on the dish he’s making.

And, they can’t have their ‘own’ time. That’s because either his parents or his in-laws are always making their visits to their humble abode. Well, of course - _as invited by Naruto. Sasuke, I just want them to taste what I cook._ Hello, what’s his use for? But of course, a wifezilla is a wifezilla is a wifezilla.

“Dobe,” Sasuke unconsciously licked his lips as he saw the small sweat of beads forming around Naruto’s neck. Plus, he’s only wearing a wifebeater and a shorts under that apron. Who won’t even find that sexy? “Can we have our sexy time?”

Sasuke wiggled his eyebrows comically but to his horror, Naruto just deadpanned him and continue chopping whatever green he’s chopping at that moment.

“Busy.”

“Dobe.”

“Busy.”

Sasuke grumbled and walked like a zombie to their room.

“Fuck culinary!”

“I heard you!” Naruto shouted back.

Same treatment happened to Sasuke for almost a week. And he felt like his dick would fall out soon. He tried jerking off, _alone_ _._. But Naruto’s hand or mouth or his _ehem_ will always be better if not, the best. But his wifezilla can’t seem to find time to juggle him and his culinary classes.

So he texted this one person that could help him plot his revenge.

Sasuke informed Naruto that he’ll be going out to talk to his brother for a minute. But it’s already past two hours since his husband left their home. And that’s when he realized that Sasuke has been chuckling to himself all day long since yesterday.

And not chuckling, correction - giggling. Like a higshchool girl texting his puppy love.

“What the fuck.” Naruto put his spatula down and went to the bedroom to look for something that could help him decipher what Sasuke’s been doing for days. And that’s when he realized that he’s been ignoring Sasuke for a week already.

Not that he is doing that deliberately but it’s just- it’s his downside when he’s too immerse with what he’s doing. Something he sees as a negative part of him. And yet, he never heard a single rant coming from Sasuke. Or maybe because, he found someone who would occupy him the moment Naruto chose to ignore him?

Soon a beep sounded. Then Naruto almost ran to where the sound was coming from.

He found Sasuke’s other phone and from there he saw a text saying, _Done with roaming around the district? ‘Cause I’m already here at the cafe you mentioned. Kya kya._

“What on fucking earth is kya kya?”

Naruto backread all their conversations to which in his surprise started yesterday. Just when he noticed Sasuke giggling all to himself. And from that, he grabbed his shades, his gun, and off he went to that motherfucking cafe.

And when he manages to go back to their house, he’ll ask Sasuke to buy that cafe. Demolish it. And let his new cafe be built upon it.

In fifteen minutes flat, Naruto was already at the mentioned cafe. His black derby hat dramatically covers half of his face. He instantly spotted Sasuke and his whore.

“Brother, huh.”

In basically five long strides, Naruto reached their spot. He pulled Sasuke’s hand in which he smirked on the palpable shock written all over Sasuke’s face.

He kissed Sasuke square on the lips, pulled out his gun and aimed it to the girl.

Psst.Psst. He just water-gunned her fifteen seconds straight. Not caring if all people looked at them.

Kakashi shouted when Sasuke and Naruto left. “Fuck Culinary.”

That sly fox water-gunned him causing her mascara to water down.

“Why did I not even wear a waterproof one?” He threw his wig harshly and angrily texted Sasuke.

_Deposit my one million yen. NOW._

  
  


Sasuke received the text as he smiles in triumph. But as he was about to reply, a hand snatched the phone and woop, it was thrown out of the window’s car. Now, he has not only lost a million yen but his phone as well.

But he doesn’t care. For he has wifezilla back.

  
  


**_Rule #7: Neglect the whole world rather than each other._ **

  
  
  


“So,” Sasuke cannot count how many times Naruto has been tapping his foot ever since he decided to nest his body against the door frame.

“I need a name.” Naruto demanded.

And Sasuke just keep biting his nails.

“Uchiha Sasuke!”

Sasuke cowered a bit. But reminded himself that he is an Uchiha. Sasuke must not fear someone. Not even his wifezilla.

“Can I shower first?” Sasuke inquired like a kid trying not to mess up with his angry mom.

Naruto nodded but not until he spoke, “Keep the door open.”

And Sasuke smiled like a maniac who just inhaled a lungful of Baygon in one go. “Oh some sexy ti-”

“So I can watch you just in case you’ll jerk yourself off while thinking of that woman.”

Sasuke choked. No. Fuck Naruto. How can he suggest that he thinks of Kakashi while jerking off. Oh well, his poor husband doesn’t even know that it was his former boss. He shook his head trying to erase all those guts-puking thoughts.

“You know Sasuke, I did not mind you stacking all of your used cups behind the door.”

Naruto began opening Sasuke’s bag in search of more pieces of evidence of that ‘woman’. But what he found are stashes of receipt of his purchased strawberry cakes and condoms and lubes and some food he instagrammed.

“I didn’t even mind washing your cum-stained briefs just because you have wet dreams in the evening.”

Naruto dug more at Sasuke’s laptop in hopes of there could be a collection of something about that ‘woman’.

“And guess what, I lengthen my patience with you for every fucking time you forgot to throw your dirty socks and boxers at the hamper. I even kissed you even you did not brush your teeth!”

Naruto finally found Sasuke’s phone. He smiled momentarily at the picture of him that Sasuke use as a wallpaper before frowning back.

“You know I love you but it’s just too much-”

Naruto had forgotten what he has to say next when he saw a conversation popped out just in time he opened it.

_Sasbabes. KyaKya._

Another chat popped out.

_Do I look good?_

And there the picture of Kakashi wearing the ‘hair’ he had seen earlier.

_Now, where’s my one million yen?_

He shut his mouth.

Turns out, he was wrong.

And Sasuke was right when he said that he was just with his brother all along.

  
  
  


**_Rule #8:_ ** _It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking._

  
  
  


Ever since the ‘Kakashi’ incident, Sasuke found Naruto being extra complimenting to him. Like everything he does for sure will make him earn a praise. Like as if, he’s some knight in shining armor sent to a damsel in distress.

Like okay, it sounds weird.

He just took the trash out where in he really does it every day. With no miss. But Naruto had smiled at him sweetly and even kissed his cheek.

And Naruto even called him _handsome_ even though he’s bathe in sweat and grass because, he was asked to cut out those wild grasses that Naruto called.

Then one time just as he was exiting the bathroom, Naruto looked at him up and down and pointed his mouth to his …. And whispered, “ _big junk.”_ Followed by a wink.

Good lord. What on earth Naruto has been feeding himself.

They were eating casually one morning when Sasuke decided it was enough.

Naruto has been staring at him creepily. To the eggs, then to the hotdog, then to the ham then to his face. Then back to the eggs again. He put his fork down and face and stared at Naruto in all seriousness.

“Now babe. Tell me what you want.”

Naruto smiled brightly as if just Sasuke hasn’t caught him with his propaganda.

“I don’t want anything.”

“Yes you do.” Sasuke leaned his back against the chair and looked at him boredly. “You don’t compliment me this weirdly everyday.”

Naruto pouted. “You make it sound as if I only compliment you when I need something from you or when we’re in bed.”

Sasuke looked at him again with no expression on his face.

Naruto pouted again but smiled toothily after. Yeah, Sasuke can read him like that.

“Uhm, teme. How about you buy me a car.”

  
  
  


**_Rule #9: At least once everyday, try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life’s partner._ **

  
  


Test drive. To the beach.

That’s the first thing Sasuke and Naruto did right after they bought the car.

“I’m not gonna drive that.” Sasuke harrumphed as Naruto fingered the seamless car that Sasuke bought for him. “It’s orange.”

“Well you bought this for me. So I’ll be driving this.”

Sasuke grabbed the keys from Naruto. “You’ll test drive this?”

Naruto grabbed the keys back, “We’ll test drive this. Me driving and you on the shotgun.”

“No dobe no!” Sasuke won’t let Naruto drive. Naruto drives like a maniac.

But after twenty minutes of arguing, Sasuke ended up giving the keys back to the wifezilla.

Beer in their hands as they stood lazily against the hood of Naruto’s new car.

They were just standing lovingly against the warmth of each other when Naruto suddenly tiptoed and kissed Sasuke sweetly on the cheek.

Sasuke smiled and shook his head, “So does my dobe want something else again?”

“Does kissing you means I need something?” Naruto joked, mirth in his eyes and contentment playing on his lips. “Sometimes, this wifezilla just wanted to kiss you.”

Oh crap.

Since when Naruto knew that he has been calling him wifezilla.

And as if Naruto has read his mind, “I heard you talk with Kibs.” Then he rolled his eyes as if saying Sasuke can never hide something from him.

“S’uke,” Naruto called out slowly, eyes fluttering in a way Sasuke deem it beautiful. “I’m sorry.”

Sasuke was alarmed. Did something happen. Is there something he must know?

“For kissing Gaara ten years ago.”

Sasuke tuck a lock or two behind Naruto’s ear. Then he reached for the hand that has been cold due to the gentle cold breeze coming from the sea. Then he smiled warmly.

“Dobe, didn’t we talk about it? You’re drunk. He took advantage of you just because you’re devastated that you failed the major test.”

He chuckled. That was a roller coaster of emotions that time. A test of their relationship.

“And sorry. For calling you stupid.”

Sasuke kissed the side of his head before deciding to kiss Naruto fully on the lips.

“You’re drunk.”

“Am not!” Naruto countered.

“You’re drunk.”

“Am not!”

“You say sorry when you’re drunk.”

“That’s just a bottle of beer.”

  
  
  
  


**_Rule #10: When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness._ **

  
  
  


They need to test this car for another _thing._

Sasuke took the cold hands of Naruto and brought him inside the car.

He maybe holding this hand for a while but he knows he’ll be holding that heart for forever.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed reading this, please leave a comment or two. And some kudos^^
> 
> -Polin


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